Great news, woke liberals: Trump now accepts all Americans!

I have fantastic news for liberals, for people in the LGBTQ+ community, for folks who consider themselves woke, for Democratic lawmakers and government officials and media members, one and all.
Former President Donald Trump accepted the presidential nomination at the Republican National Convention on Thursday night and, in doing so, told the nation he is a man of unity!
“In an age when our politics too often divide us, now is the time to remember that we are all fellow citizens – we are one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all,” said the man who has routinely referred to Americans he doesn’t like as “vermin” or “enemies of the people.”
To every citizen, Trump – who was recently convicted of 34 felonies in a case that revolved around hush money payments to an adult film star – said, “I extend to you a hand of loyalty and of friendship.”
Thank you, Mr. Trump! As the head of the GOP, I’m sure you and your running mate, JD Vance, will now make sure every Republican is kind and welcoming to those they may disagree with. (They may want to start with some of Trump’s far-right extremist fans, who upon learning of Vance’s wife’s Indian heritage launched racist online attacks against her.)
Whether it’s drag queens, transgender kids hoping their identities can be respected by teachers using their preferred pronouns, people who run diversity, equity and inclusion programs – all, I assume, will receive a hand of loyalty and friendship.
A second Trump term will, apparently, be a veritable hug fest.
Trump said in his speech: “The discord and division in our society must be healed. As Americans, we are bound together by a single fate and a shared destiny. We rise together. Or we fall apart.  I am running to be president for all of America, not half of America, because there is no victory in winning for half of America.”
Questions on Trump’s health:Why don’t we know more about Trump’s health after assassination attempt?
This is fantastic, and I’m thrilled to hear the man who denied the result of the 2020 presidential election and fomented a violent attack on our nation’s Capitol talking about healing our society. Seriously, this is great news.
I assume he and the rest of his party will immediately be acknowledging the results of the last presidential election, apologizing to the public servants who volunteer as election workers and have been unfairly besmirched while also reassuring all Americans that our elections are both fair and secure.
After all, we rise together, right?
Because Trump is now “running to be president for all of America,” he’ll want to swiftly apologize to former President Barack Obama, whom he wrongly and racist-ly accused of not being born in America.
And he might also want to apologize to Democratic Rep. Nancy Pelosi for referring to her, in his speech about unity, as “Crazy Nancy Pelosi.” And while he’s at it, he could apologize for making fun of her husband getting attacked and almost killed by a man with a hammer.
RNC analysis:Trump acceptance speech at RNC tried to show voters a changed man. It didn’t last long.
He’ll want to talk to Republicans like Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and get them to wipe away the anti-LGBTQ+ legislation and book bans that have been implemented in recent years.
And he’ll need to make sure people in his party stop saying things like “radical gender ideology,” “woke mind virus,” “groomer” and “globalist.” 
Because, after all, “there is no victory in winning for half of America.”
Trump’s change in tone from his usual vitriolic self is abundantly welcome and, I’m sure, 100% authentic. We’ll see that proven out as his call for unity and bridging the political divide trickles down throughout a political party that has grown increasingly disrespectful of people who don’t conform to their faith or world views.
And I’m sure this divide-bridging and unification will also apply to America’s rich immigrant community, which Trump spoke about in his speech by saying that immigrants “are coming from prisons and jails, from mental institutions and insane asylums, and terrorists at levels never seen before” and they have caused America to become “a dumping ground for the world.”
Hmmm. OK, that doesn’t sound particularly unifying.
In fact, he’s talking about rounding up millions of undocumented immigrants and putting them in deportation camps, which would break up countless families across the country and invariably remove many people who’ve been in America, contributing to the economy, for years.
Well, I’m sure this new, reformed Donald Trump, the one who presented himself to America as a great healer of our nation’s wounds, will figure out a way to make everything work so we’re all happy and unified.
I mean, there’s no way the whole thing was just a load of crap, right?
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk